The perfect job

The other night my friends and I were talking about police dogs (we had just gotten pulled over for running a stop sign and the cop had a dog in the car), and we began to discuss how being a police dog trainer would be the greatest thing. I mean, think about it, you would just get free weed from the government and hang out all day with your best friends and a ton of dogs. And you would teach the dogs to kill. Okay, I realize this is a bit sick, but trust me. Not only would you treat the dogs to kill whenever they smelled weed, you would throw in a "wild card" with every dog. This wild card could be somthing like an orange, or a tomato, where if the dog smells someone eating an orange, he will maul that person. Every dog would have a different "wild card", too. Haha, imagine.

The perfect song?

The new Modest Mouse single, "Dashboard", may be the greatest song ever written. How can you not live it when the lead singer (Isaak Brock, I'm told) goes into that prechorus line of, um, well I don't really know what he's saying but I love it. However, how does it test against my Best Song Ever theorem (developed last year). Let's review:

1) Use a beat people can clap too.
2) Have all the music cut out for one chorus except for the bass drum.
3) Have a children's choir sing a chorus with the lead singer at the end. Also, have ALL the instruments cut out for this part, but immediately fill back in afterward.
4) Change the key in the middle of the song.

Granted all of this may be a little bit much for one hit single, so use the following with discretion throughout the rest of the album. That way you will have a number one album. Lyrics shouldn't be given much thought either, because who listens to the lyrics anyway?

Okay, so is Dashboard clappable? Not exactly. Music cutting out? YES! The children's choir, not so much, but could you imagine!? And finally, I dont recall any key change. Shit, I just disproved myself. I may revise my theorem, because let's face it, that song is fucking sweet.